Recently I had a wonderful opportunity to clear my ‘stuff’.  Of course, at the time my nose was out of joint, and I was not happy.  That’s one way to tell it was my ‘stuff’!  Leon had made a comment to me about a recent project.  He made a constructive critique as his first phrase, and then followed that with something very flattering.  On the surface, all he was doing was expressing his opinion.  But that’s not how I took it.

I felt all the air going out of me as though someone had punctured me with a needle and I was a balloon.  I felt so deflated by his first comment!  And it really wasn’t a bad comment, it was just that I was reacting to it.  I knew that.  But I still fell into that abyss.

It was a wonderful opportunity for me to look at myself and figure out what was going on.  So I sat with everything I was feeling and thinking about ‘the event’ as I now called it in my mind.  (I mean, really?)  And what I found myself thinking was, Gosh, Dad used to do that to me all the time!   I remember sewing a seam on the sewing machine. Dad would stand over me and point out when the seam wasn’t exactly straight!  Used to drive me crazy. That’s when it hit me what was going on.  I was operating from an imprint from my childhood where my father used to give me constructive criticism for everything I did.  At least it felt like everything. Then when he saw my hurt feelings, he would tell me all the good things about what I was doing.  My interpretation was that he really didn’t mean those good things. He was just saying them to make me feel better. He didn’t really mean them. Can you just hear that little girl in this?  And can you see how that little girl reacted to Leon in the same way?

My ‘stuff’ definitely had come up!  And it was a good thing. Because I didn’t need to be reacting to someone’s opinions with a little girl attitude.  That was just getting in the way of our relationship.

Fortunately I have a lot of tools to clear my ‘stuff’.  All kinds of stuff, not just inner child ‘stuff’.  One of the tools I had just created was a guided meditation called Release.  It’s available as a free tool with Video 2 of my new series How to Remove Subconscious Blocks  to Abundance.  So I used that meditation to help me release the wounded little girl reaction, and to step into a greater understanding that we learn our behaviors and we can unlearn them.  I have to say that meditation helped me a lot!

But I had to laugh when my ‘stuff’ came up again a few days later.  Along the same lines, but a slight variation.  What do you mean I’m not perfect?  What will people think?  Oh Lord.  Here we go again!  This is what happens.  Our ‘stuff’ comes up. We heal it and transform it. And then the next layer of our ‘stuff’ comes to the surface for healing also.  Each time, it gets easier to recognize it and do something about it.  And guess what?  We all have so much stuff, we’re probably not going to get it all transformed in this lifetime.  But that’s okay.  At least we’re working on it.  And as a result, our relationships get better.  Our self love grows stronger. Our self esteem is stronger.  Everything shifts.

So if you listen to the meditation, or do anything else to transform your subconscious or conscious blocks, don’t be surprised if your next layer comes up soon. That’s just the way we are.  Layers of the onion, all waiting to be transformed.  At least you have tools to transform!

Namaste everyone!