Signs from the Universe
I’m no stranger to signs. They can come in the form a feather floating down in front of my face, or finding one on the walk when I am trying to make a decision. A rainbow sharing its colors when I need it the most. A sound no one else can hear indicating to listen carefully. Or a smell that is so distinctive, I just know it’s Grandma’s cookies.
I love signs. They offer me comfort and decisiveness when I need it.
And I believe our loved ones give us signs that they love us and they support us.
One of the signs I saw most frequently when thinking about Mom, particularly on the long 20 hour drives from Sedona to Omaha, NE, was a hawk. Let me rephrase that. I didn’t just see 1 hawk. I saw over a hundred a day. Whenever I had a thought about Mom, here was a hawk. Sitting on a fence post. Flying in the air above my car. Streaking out of the ditch next to me as I drove.
Since it was so prevalent, I began to think that hawk was probably my Mom’s power animal. A power animal is an animal that has attributes we need. Hawks have great vision, and Mom was starting to lose hers. Hawks are able to seize what they want quickly and easily. Mom was having trouble getting around and became confined to a wheelchair. Hawks help us focus on the higher perspective, not the messy details. Yes, Mom was dying, but she was doing it in her terms, in her way. And I learned so much from watching her every day, as she graciously thanked every nurse and care-giver who helped her. She held her dignity always. She wasn’t sidetracked by her difficult daily routine, blood draws, blood pressure checks, etc. She focused on helping others. She would say, “I listened to this person today because he needed someone to hear him. I didn’t have much to say to him, but he didn’t need that. He just needed someone to hear.” She was amazing.
And so were the signs I received after her passing.
The day after she passed, I woke up early, feeling very sad and just needing to be alone. I took my kindle and headphones downstairs to listen to music and just be. I couldn’t believe it when the music began. I heard the Vienna Boy’s Choir singing a Christmas carol. This was at least a month after Christmas! And I realized the last time I had played this particular Pandora station was for Mom at Christmas time. She loved Christmas carols and loved the Vienna Boy’s Choir. So that made me feel good. And I continued listening to that song. Intending to change the station, when the song was over, I reached for the Kindle only to hear Handel’s Messiah next. Another favorite of Mom’s.
Oh my. You’re on a roll, Mom! I continued listening to the station for a half an hour, as each of her favorites was played one after another. None of them were marked as favorites, so it was really amazing that all of her music kept playing. I felt so comforted.
The next sign I had from Mom was at her funeral. She and Dad both had chosen to be buried first, and then have the memorial service immediately afterward. So after the burial, we were standing by the cars, wondering what to do as it was too early to go to the church. And none of us felt like rushing out of the cemetery. Finally we made the decision to go for coffee. Leon and I got in our car, and turned on the engine. Immediately the car was filled with the sounds of Chopin’s Funeral March. (I have a link for it here. I think you’ll find it familiar: http://en.musicplayon.com/Chopin-Funeral-March-Orchestrated-Version-172159.html)
Now Mom loved orchestra music. She loved classical music. She loved music that inspired. And even though this was a funeral piece, it sounded just like something she loved. So it was no accident that the moment Leon turned the car on, the opening strains of this song were heard. And of course it was a funeral march! We sat with our mouths open as we looked at each other, not knowing what to say. All I could eventually say was, “Wow Mom. You did it again!”
The day that my sister and I finished cleaning Mom’s apartment was hard. We were no longer coming back here. We would never again have supper at the table. No more incredible conversations with Mom. We just stood in the doorway, ready to leave, but unable to. Finally, we turned, and loaded the car with the cleaning supplies. As we left the complex, I first noticed two hawks chasing each other, merrily. Just like Mom and Dad, I thought! Then I noticed all the other hawks in the area, in a relatively small space. Sitting on the fence posts, on the telephone poles, flying through the air gracefully, skimming the ground looking for food. It was amazing how many hawks we saw. And I knew Mom was saying, “See? Everything’s fine!. There’s lots of support here.”
To say that I’ve had a hard year really doesn’t describe what I’ve gone through. First, losing my Dad eleven months ago. Then I lost a dear friend, Mary Kaye, six months ago. And now my Mom. Whew. No wonder I feel like I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). But my most recent sign helped me to remember that our loved ones, even if they are on the other side, still love us and support us.
I had a hard night. I woke up worrying that Mom and Dad didn’t have supper. That I didn’t take care of them. I hadn’t called them. I wasn’t even sure where they were. I was really feeling upset when I awoke. And I had a hard time going back to sleep. I remembered a friend telling me that a certain time after their death, her parents would come in her dreams and hug her. I thought, wouldn’t that be wonderful? To feel that hug?
Well, I fell back asleep, and dreamed I was in a dorm room of a new school. I was looking around trying to take in the details of my room when I noticed my friend coming toward me. It was Mary Kaye! My friend who had passed six months ago. She was taller, more gorgeous than ever, and dressed in a white dress. She came right up to me and began to hug me. I hugged her back and tried to pull away to look at her. But she kept hugging me and hugging me and hugging me. That’s when I felt it. I felt her love and support. I woke up in tears, but they were good tears.
I can’t wait to get those kinds of hugs from my folks as well! Thank you Mary Kaye!
Thanks, Mom and Dad! I love you all.
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A WordPress Commenter
March 13, 2017 at 9:58 pmHi, I just wanted you to know how much I have enjoyed your series on death and dying. Maybe enjoy isn’t the right word, but it has helped me tremendously. Thank you for taking the time to share!
Phoenix
March 14, 2017 at 1:52 pmYou are welcome! It has been very healing for me to write this.